Today I couldn't get away from myself. It seemed that everywhere I went I heard your legs don't work and won't work for the rest of your life. I also kept feeling this isn't happening to me. I can't explain why, but every once in awhile it pops into my head. And it makes me wonder, for how long will that keep coming up? When will my subconscious and conscious minds catch up with one another? I have been inside my head a lot lately as I have been working on what to say at the Gala. Trying to figure out what people will want to hear. And there is so much that I want to say.
I know one thing that I won't say is this: being paralyzed is like having a death in the family. Your grief is overwhelming, the stages coming at random unexplained times. Sometimes you laugh about crazy related things and many times you are crying, remembering, wishing, thinking. But, here is the difference: the family member who died was my legs and instead of having a funeral and saying goodbye I have to carry that death around with me everywhere I go. The legs that don't do what they are supposed to do are always there even though they died.
I wish I could say goodbye and stop being reminded that I have legs (and other important parts) that do not work. I don't know how long it will take for me to accept these legs for what they are, now.